Just want to encourage you a bit.
The world, your family, and your friends all have expectations for your life. Don't expect to meet everyone of them. And, the world is not over when you don't.
Why is the world not over when you fail to meet man's expectations? Christians don't live for man's approval.
Let that take some weight off your shoulders.
Take joy in this. Listen, Christ took our sin on the cross, and gave us His righteousness. We now live for His approval. And, if we are in Him, we have it. As a Christian, you are a saint who is set apart for the purposes of God. You are no longer under the burdens of ordinary men and women. You are a slave set free. We believers are no longer chained and restrained by man and sin. But, we are set free to live pure and productive lives for God's glory.
So what, you may need to use table of contents when you first start reading your bible. The man who looks down on you for it needs to quit looking at you and look at the words in it.
You are a new creation. You are set apart as pure and holy servants. Let's not pridefully seek the approval of man. Let's focus our eyes on Jesus. Let's seek to please and glorify Him.
